Ugly

This hasn't been a pretty three days to say the least...

Fever of 102
Runny nose
Bronchitis cough
Cranky and sad (both of us on this one)
Sleepless nights in chair and on couch
Constant Tylenol

She has turned a corner this morning it seems and thanks to the people who sent uplifting texts and called and emailed to check on The Bee. I thought a lot about having a child while I was pregnant, but I never even thought of how hard it would be when they are sick. Draining, scary, emotional. My heart is so heavy for those parents with a child in the hospital and/or a terminal illness. They need constant prayers.

The worst part of all of this, now that she seems to be getting better is that I am just a wreck. I don't know if it is no sleep or the constant worry or the clingy-ness or Ross's hours or just a mix. But, it's ugly. As in three days of pajamas--the same pair--and no shower. Today we had a great day and she woke up and said she was better (fever free for now and honestly seems a ton better), but the one nagging thing that I can't let go is that she won't eat.

You know this has been a struggle for us since she was 6 months old. I got so sick of hearing how other people could get their kid to eat ANYTHING and I was crying over jar after jar of uneaten baby food. She had finally turned a corner at around 18 months and was eating a few things with protein, but now after the aforementioned Red Robin incident she says she doesn't like anything and hasn't eaten well. Add to that her sickness (and the sweet baby was so, so, sick) and she actually has eaten NOTHING for four days. I have pulled out all the stops and all the sweets and finally she said yes to a small, minuscule bowl of ice cream. In four days---liquid, one popsicle, and ice cream.

"She will eat when she is hungry."
"It is just a phase."
"It is not worth worrying about, just don't force it."
"This is nothing in the long run."
"You have to keep trying new foods."

Perhaps true. Most likely all true. But I have chosen to let this be my crux. The one thing right now that has me sobbing at the computer and is driving me crazy. I could very well be losing it. I don't want every meal time to be a fight. I don't want her to scream when she gets in her high chair because she would rather play than eat. I don't want to let her just run around the house while Ross and I pretend to enjoy our meal.

Okay, I have gotten it all out. You don't have to leave me any encouragement or tell me a story of how you knew someone that didn't eat and now they do. I just wanted to be honest---this is truly, truly getting to me. I want her healthy. I want her to be obedient. And most importantly, I want to be a mom who keeps her cool. So, I am just thinking it all out and we will go from here with a new plan.

We have glorious days together and so much fun, and it is a shame that food--the basic human necessity other than water---is causing such turmoil in our home three times a day. Yes, I understand that I am letting it cause turmoil.

Eek, I told you it was ugly.

_______________________________________________

Moving along. We are going to share some precious snowmen with you. Amelia wanted "one white and one black nowman" and so that is what she made. She chose all accessory colors herself, as well as the design :)

And Meme and Pop, the musical Christmas card you sent has provided many smiles and lots of dancing pre-sickness. I have a feeling more dancing is in the immediate future.

Ignore how insanely tired Ross is in this picture and focus on that sweet kiss and picture a little voice saying, "Yeah, Daddy home 'day from wuhk."


Umm, the number one thing I researched as those photos were loading was, "Do not let your child know her not eating is upsetting you." So, does me bawling at lunch today begging her to eat her peanut butter strike that out? Okay.

And number two, "make sure they don't drink too much milk during the day because that will fill them up." Hmm, so giving her unlimited cups of milk all day long because you know it has protein in it won't work?

Aye, aye, aye. Next post----not about food. Promise. EDIT: If I add to the end that I am nine months pregnant, does it help this post seem any less insane? No? Okay. Carry on.