Freaky Friday

I like being honest. It is free therapy for me really. My struggle has always been with being too honest. I am constantly working on tactfully telling my opinion. Even when asked, some people don't want to know what you really think. Sometimes though, on this blog, I am restricted. I type something and think, "Hmm, I should include that in my journal, but not for the world to see."

Apparently I think the world is reading my blog. Oh, Heather.

So, here is some brutal truth I have been mulling around- unedited.


- It is difficult to talk to people (specifically working moms) about staying at home. I feel like if I gush over how wonderful it is (and it is wonderful) then it comes across like I don't support their decision (or often their necessity) to work. If I say that it is harder than I expected it to be (and it is hard) and that I miss working (and I sometimes do) then it might come across as if I am not grateful for the opportunity. The truth is this: I could not be doing anything else other than staying home with Amelia right now. That is all I know; this works for us and we are happy.

- I don't worry much about money. That is pretty obvious seeing as I quit my job and I was the sole provider for our family. Loans have given me a false sense of security. We really watch what we spend, but I am not worried that we will run out of money because we can just take out the next little step of student loan. Insane, right? Next year = no loans to fall back on. Reality checkkkkk.

-Fear is a constant battle I fight. For some it is insecurity, guilt for others; pride, addiction, the battles go on. Mine is fear. Gripping, can't see straight fear. Anxiety about things that are not controllable. Big issues. Yes, I am nervous about moving and nervous about meeting new friends and nervous about a new church, but I am not fearful. I am not talking nerves...I am talking fear. As in, not of the Lord fear. As in, lack of faith fear. Working on it every single day. Improving, but working.

-I am tired. Honestly, I would like to go to bed when Amelia does every night. But, I force myself to stay up and talk to Ross and watch some telly. Okay, force sounds harsh, but you know what I mean. I make an effort because it is important to do so. Important for Ross and I as a couple and important for me as an individual. After 8:30 is my time with Ross and it stinks that I get tired at 8:35. :) More Dr. Pepper.

- Umm I didn't vote in the election. So much for patriotism, huh? I honestly didn't care enough. I don't talk politics, don't read the newspaper or watch the news because I just don't care. I can't bash Obama because I didn't vote--that seems like a simple enough rule to me. However, I need to at least be informed of day to day activity in the country. The only problem is that I don't even trust the news that I read...

- Last truth for the day is that I am disappointed in my Christian walk. I need to do more outwardly. My relationship with Christ is my business and I will always have to work at my quiet time, but I need to work on my outward walk as well. This passage smacked me in the face: "Does merely talking about faith indicate that a person really has it? For instance, you come upon an old friend dressed in rags and half-starved and say, "Good morning, friend! Be clothed in Christ! Be filled with the Holy Spirit!" and walk off without providing so much as a coat or a cup of soup--where does that get you? Isn't it obvious that God-talk without God-acts is outrageous nonsense?" --James 2:14-17, The Message

- One more. Ross was off today and took Amelia to play at The Wonder Place this morning and I went for a pedicure with Amy. I didn't feel guilty-only wonderful. And, Amy paid for mine. It was such a special treat.

Because I can't resist..