Toughie

I wasn't going to make this post, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought it was needed. Life with Amelia is fun. Yes, it is tiring and she is entering the fit stage and there have been several hitting incidents followed by time-out and more hitting. But, it is insanely fun to play with her and watch her learn and grow.

However, it is scary too. And this week Amelia took a bad fall down seven stairs. It is hard to even type out because I can't really talk about it. I just recall her tumbling over and over and I couldn't stop her. I was one mili-second behind the fall and couldn't stop her. It was an accident. Everyone has accidents. But, this really shook me up and to be honest, I am still shaken by it. I just want to post about it because in my heart, I know how careful I am with Amelia. Over-protective is the word that most would give, yet here she was, tumbling down the stairs.

She was running through the living room and flinging herself against the couch. I was cracking up because it was funny and she was showing off. She did this several more times and ran the opposite way from the couch. I remember thinking, Man she is running fast. With no couch to stop her, she tried to catch herself on the baby gate. I am up at this point, but it was too late. All her weight was on the baby gate and it flew open and she stumbled and rolled down seven stairs coming to a hard plop at the end. It was terrifying. It is still scary. The gate was not properly latched at the bottom and that is why it gave way with her weight--my fault, as I was the last one up from downstairs. I cried all night. She cried about two minutes, ate a grape popsicle and played in the sprinkler. That night I could not shake this fear of what might have been with that fall. What if it had been at our apartment? Fourteen stairs and a tile bottom? What if she had lost consciousness? What if she had broken her arm or leg?

And then, I was reminded of that ever present truth that I cannot seem to grasp. Heather, you are not in control. Any of those what if's could have happened and God still would have been in control. I will continue to do my best to protect Amelia from scrapes and bruises and head bumps. As she gets older I will strive to protect her from hurt feelings and heartache. And as she is even older still, I will work endlessly to make things go right for her. But, she will still fall. Her heart will still break, and things will still not always work out as she plans them.

I realize there are many praises in this situation and the main one is that I was with her. If Ross had been in the living room and I had heard her rolling down the stairs, I would have lost it. It would have been ugly and I would not have understood it to be an accident. This has been a big wake up call for me. I also have kept Amelia close the last few days and held her every second. She is calling herself a "bay bee" and smiling. Ha.

Bottom line--Thank you Lord for protecting Amelia and showing me how little I have to do with making the Earth go round. I love this little girl more than I ever envisioned loving anything or anyone. I might carry her until she can drive :) Thanks for letting me share.