Giving Thanks

Each year that passes, I am more aware of the blessings that are in front of me.  More aware that small things can be big blessings and that every single day is one of thanksgiving.  When my whole family is together, there is nothing else I could need or want and what a great feeling that is.  I realize that not everyone has that and fear that it comes across and selfish or trite, but I truly mean it.  We are not perfect and do not always get along perfectly (my darn mouth) but thankfully we all know we are children of God and forgive and love.

Meme hosted us all at her house and at 77 she is still as amazing as ever, if not more so.  I am always in awe of her pushing through the pain with her arthritis and  eye issues from her shingles, and never complaining and cooking for days with a flawlessly decorated house, just as she has always done.  As if I am still 15!!

 

 

I have mixed feelings about the four littles getting older and I suppose that will always be something that parents wrestle with.  While the early stages were exhausting at times, they seem so BIG now.  I can't even imagine in a few more years.  It makes me sad, but I am really trying to pinpoint the reason.  The goal is for them to grow into young women who love the Lord with all their heart and they cannot achieve full knowledge of that by staying three forever.  And there were times that I couldn't rock a baby to sleep for ONE MORE MINUTE.  As I type this, both of mine are sound asleep in their own beds and this morning they didn't wake until 7:30.  If you have been following this blog for long then you know that is a miracle upon miracles.  Something to utter thanks for every single day, if not more.  So, why the sadness?  Just of a season passing and moving into a new one, I believe.  I've always resisted change and as I move into a season of Christmas, a new year, and both of my girls' birthdays, I'm struggling a little.  Which is fine.  There doesn't have to be a magical and perfect way to act as we encounter milestones.  It doesn't matter if you are sappy or stoic- you are who you are.  And I am one to get weepy looking back on old photos.  Even these, which are just a few weeks old.  Weepy with joy and a little weepy with the realization that these moments have passed.  It is now on to new moments, which we have been creating all week. 

 Speaking of new moments, it was year number two for Pop's Cedar Tree Extravaganza.  My girls LOVE riding down the the pond to decorate this guy.  And from the looks of it, we all do!!

We then ventured down to Fayetteville for a nice meal of thanks at Uncle Denny's.  We had never been there and the girls were elated to see a trampoline!!  They had a blast jumping around and couldn't wait to see G and Pa and Aunt Jessalyn and all the dogs. 

Camping in November--- Our Family First

I love the outdoors.  My whole little family of four does.  Amelia has wanted to camp since she understood the concept and I was adamant that we weren't going.  I am not a tent camper.  I love to swim and hike and throw rocks in the creek.  I don't care to get dirty and go on adventures.  It is fun to eat by the fire, but then, I want to go home.  Or to a hotel.  However, I said that I would camp in a camper and low and behold if the in-laws didn't buy one.  A NICE one.  And so there wasn't much else I could say, other than, when are we going? 

And oh boy was it fun.  Even if it had been miserable for me, it was worth it to see how much fun the girls had.  THEY LOVED IT!!!

We explored Blanchard Springs and it was breathtaking.  Spent a good part of the afternoon there hiking around.

G had pumpkins for the girls to decorate when we needed to warm up.

Amelia REALLY wanted to be brave enough to sleep on the top bunk and the second night she was victorious!!  I was so proud of her because that was a big deal in her book.

Frank was another star of the trip.  The girls cuddled him and walked him and fed him and pet him every second.  They just love that boy.

We also toured the cave.  Amelia was terrified and I just made her go.  Heck, I was terrified too and really dislike the thought of being down in a cave, but I didn't want someone to have to sit out with her.  Thankfully she pushed through and loved it.  Elise fell asleep mid tour and it was hilarious.  Afterwards she said, "It was just so dark in there, I thought it was sleepy time."

 

It was a wonderful weekend adventure and I can't wait for another.  Maybe when it's warmer... :)

Writing

Sometimes, I feel like I have forgotten how to write.  Without the #hashtags and without the pictures and cute captions.  Just write.  With nothing else aiding or distracting.  Just my thoughts- revealing me.  What am I feeling inside without refreshing Facebook or racing off to watch a show on my overloaded DVR? Why am I not wanting to do the very thing I love to do?

When things are going well for me, I don't tend to write as much in-depth.  It is easier for me to release burdens and pains and worries.  Words of confusion and struggle flow quicker for me than those of joy and happiness.  And at the very core of me, I know why.  I don't want it to escape out into the universe how happy I am for fear that something will snatch it from me.  Once I have said and announced how my heart cannot contain the love and joy that I feel each MINUTE, there is fear that chases the release of that information.  Fear that it is now out there for all to hear and at any moment, my time will come to experience tragedy.  With me, it always boils down to fear.  Fear makes me want to delete this entire paragraph and forget about posting it. 

God doesn't operate that way and I know it. He doesn't wait for us to do or say particular things and then strike us down.  His ways are not my ways and that is what makes it difficult to try to figure Him out; he doesn't want us to.  And when I hear stories that shake my very core, I bury my head and weep for those people.  Those families.  Those children.  Those parents.  I wonder why.  I pray for them and my heart breaks for them, but selfishly I beg that it not happen to me.  To my family.  My children.  My parents.

But even if it does, he loves me no less.  Nothing was intended to come my way because I let the world know that my blessings are abundantly more than I could ever ask for.  And that is one thing I do know for sure in this world of very little absolutes.  Although it is tough for me to navigate through Christianity at times, the Lord stands on the absolute of loving us more than we could imagine.  Loving us through our sin and shame and never wavering in the call that we can come back to him when we have strayed.  Standing absolute in helping us admonish our fears; whatever they may be and however trivial they might sound.

I honestly thought by now, at 32, I would have more figured out than I do.  That my faith would falter less and ultimately that I would have fewer questions.  It seems that I have MORE questions and in a way, I think that signals my growth.  The birth of my sweet girls brought about more feeling and emotion than I ever knew I could contain, and with that; questions. 

This doesn't flow seamlessly and is a bit jumbled, but man- I feel better.  And consider this a virtual shout it from the rooftops---- I AM HAPPY.  Things are not perfect and neither am I, but I AM BLESSED AND HAPPY AND JOYFUL.

Preschool Pumpkin

 

  Amelia had a note sent home that said she needed to bring a decorated pumpkin to school for a pumpkin display. She chose a tiny pumpkin and painted some designs on it and her face (the bright yellow is her "long, beautiful hair).  I thought it was cute and that was the end of that.  When we got to school to put her pumpkin in the hallway, I almost DIED.  These pumpkins were INSANE.  There was a professionally painted ninja turtle, a TWO STORY black shellacked cat with pipe cleaner whiskers and the whole nine yards.  There was a clown decorated with pom poms and apparently painted by the same professional painter.  Let me just tell you---there were ZERO children that made their own pumpkins.  And they were all so gargantuan that Amelia's pumpkin looked like it was a small egg that they had hatched.

I waited for her to burst into tears as she surveyed all the pumpkins that morning.  She turned to me with a huge smile and said, "I am the only one that brought a tiny one, isn't that awesome?"  She gently and proudly sat it down and bounded in her classroom.  I almost burst into tears and laughter all at the same time.  She's something special.

This picture cracks me up.  This is one of Elise's very best friends at school.  They get into quite a bit of trouble it seems like to me.  Everything the other one does cracks them up.  I always try to get her to play with the girls, but, nope, she just loves her "wild man Camden" as she calls him.  Hahaha.

Total Besties

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