Thankful

I am thankful for this precious girl and her spunk.  She is my little shadow and it is so humbling to be her mom.  I often forget that God chose her specifically for me and knew of her existence long before I ever dreamed it up.  How lucky I am to be Amelia Claire's mom and have the opportunity to shower her with love and empower her with tools to be the best that she can be.  Thankful barely seems to skim the surface.  She is my first-born, analytical, sensitive, sassy, curious, passionate, hilarious three and a half year old and I am so thankful for the difference she has made in my life. 

Elise Mae Halsted has taught me so much about faith.  I am so thankful for her boisterous personality and the fact that she finds herself so funny (we do too).  She is always happy and laughing and is so good for my soul.  I am thankful that she continues to guide me in living more freely and worrying less.  She is tiny, but her personality is bigger than life and her crinkle nose smile cheers even the darkest day.  How blessed I am to have her as a daughter and I pray that I can show her Christ's love above all and nurture that adventurous nature of hers.  She is my second-born stubborn, adorable, loving, funny, fearless, energetic ALMOST two year old and I am so thankful for every single second of those almost two years. 

I remember very vividly one Thanksgiving where I went to use the bathroom and just could not come out.  I was pouting and sad and in a pool of self-pity.  It seemed unfair that all of my friends had husbands and I didn't.  I longed for a man that would accept me for me and be a lover of God.  For what seemed like forever, I sat in there on that cold toilet while my precious family was laughing and talking in the living room.  I pulled it together and looked myself sternly in the mirror-- demanding that I count my blessings (which were so plentiful and overflowing that it is embarrassing) and marched myself back out for our fun gathering.  There were many moments like this that I remember.  I often had to slap myself back to the reality of the amazing life that I had and remind myself to LIVE IT.  The desire to marry and have a family were still strong and present, but I prayed through those rough patches and kept striving to loosen my grip on obsessing about that dream.

And then, there he was.  A tall, shy, Godly, handsome, intelligent, analytical, fabulous man waiting just for me.  And when I realized that he was the one I would share my life with, I exclaimed to God that I had found him!!  Which was silly because I hadn't really found anything at all.  He had been there, getting ready for me all along.  He loved my loud, opinionated, passionate self and all my worry soon was lost in the shuffle of wedding plans.  But, in this season of thanks, I wanted to remember those hard times.  I don't want to gloss over them.  This precious family is a huge answered prayer.  I want that girl holding back sobs on the toilet from Thanksgivings past to look at this picture and realize what fountains of blessings this photo holds.  So thankful.  Eternally thankful.