Structure

I am a structured play kind of mom.  I am actually a structured everything.  I like schedules and calendars and planning and board games and playing birthday party with the dollhouse.  I like playing instruments and pretending we are in a marching band or playing stuffed animals while sneaking in an alphabet lesson.  I love playing with my girls and watching their imaginations emerge.  I learn so much while they talk for their dolls or are sympathetic for their stuffed animals.  Even when I didn't have kids, I liked certain times set aside for certain things.  It makes me feel calm.  One little thing that I have control over in this great big world. The way I spend my days and my time. 

There is nothing wrong with this. 

However...

As I see how much fun my girls have with their dad doing absolutely- for lack of a better word- nothing, it calls to attention some areas in which I can improve on my mothering journey.  We don't always have to be doing something.  Especially when the girls are this little.  Structure and schedules will dictate our lives soon enough and it is completely fine for them to just spend time running up and down the halls without me stepping in and setting up a pretend race complete with ribbons.  Just let 'em run. 

That is why I love going to the park and going on bug hunts or leaf walks.  It is a place where I allow myself to not feel huge pressure to be fun, and educational, and creative, and exciting, and on and on.  They just run around and giggle and we swing and slide.  Now that it is getting colder, and we are indoors more, I feel that need to schedule every minute of play time glaring over my shoulder. 

Yesterday we just bounced a bouncy ball for 30 minutes and laid in the living room floor talking about rainbows. This whole concept might seem insane to those with a free spirit and a general dislike for living by the clock.  Some people feel no need to jump from activity to activity, but that is the delightfulness of mothering--everyone does it differently.  Sometimes when I examine ways in which I can improve upon the way I guide these sweet girls, I become defeated and feel that this job is SO hard and there are SO many ways I can mess it up.

Working on that too.

I love that I am structured.  I love that we do purposeful learning activities.  I love that I work hard to intertwine fun in all we do and that I am intentional with my girls.  But there is always room for improvement.  Finding ways to improve does not mean that we have been doing something wrong.  I simply am working at making a little change.  Always room for at least one craft that isn't directed with a purpose.  Or some time in the afternoon to just giggle and tickle and do "nothing."  Always some time to just release the pressure to be the MOST FUN MOM IN THE WORLD and just tell the girls to play alone a bit.

And so, I will continue to work on this and so many other things.  It is an ever-changing role with ever-changing challenges.  I am just so thankful that one thing I can confidently say that I've got in the bag is loving Amelia and Elise to the very tips of my toes.  I love them fiercely and unconditionally and thank God for them a million times a day.