Preschool Graduation!

This adorable four year old has now graduated to the Pre-K class!  It was a wonderful year at a new preschool and we were so grateful for the kind, loving spirit her teacher had.  I am praying for a wonderful transition to Pre-K in Mountain Home.  Her program was so sweet and she sang all the words and did all the motions, but a little of her daddy crept in and she was fairly shy when she realized everyone was looking at her.  It was so precious and I felt such pride. She received the Class Leader award and Mrs. Lisa said that Amelia could run the whole class if she wasn't there.  I got so tickled.  A bit of her mama in her too! It was a special night and all her family came to support her. Looking forward to the whole summer together!

A Dream Fulfilled

I always wanted to be a mother.  It was a dream of mine and its fulfillment has been everything and nothing that I expected.  These two precious girls have been everything my young pre-teen self thought; dressing them up in fancy dresses and adorable bows.  Piece of cake.  The joy of snuggling a newborn and clapping for those first unbalanced steps.  Wonderful and expected.  Hearing someone say, "My word they are cute," and me beaming and practically screaming, "THANKS," is something I couldn't wait to happen.  And when it did, my heart was full- as I knew it would be.

BUT, most of that is surface wonderfulness and I was so ill-prepared for the other aspects of this journey.  One surprise, has been the pain that comes along with parenthood. I assumed it only went as deep as physical exhaustion or lack of sleep. 

The pain of self reflection.  Oh that woman in Wal Mart desperately fumbling with the Goldfish package that she got off the shelf- what is wrong with her?  That would never be me with the shopping cart criers, right?  I was sure that I wouldn't snap at my kids and say things that I immediately wanted to take back.  I didn't expect to lay in bed some nights going over and over conversations or cringing at the looks I had given that day and weep. Not me.  Maybe moms that hadn't wanted this their whole lives.  Maybe people that were surprised with this motherhood gig, but not ME.  I was born for this.  I wouldn't hurt my kids' feelings or yell to the top of my lungs, right?   I'm supposed to be pruning them for greatness. There is no need for constant changes within myself, is there? One of us has to have this all together.  Oh how I've learned that this is the best job to constantly be examining my actions, motives, character, etc. 

The pain of love.  I was completely unprepared for a love that hurt.  A love that, at times, makes me sick to my stomach. An instinct of protection that wells forth from a place that I can't even identify.  A love that so vigorously has entwined itself throughout me, that I cannot remember not being Amelia and Elise's mother.  I love every strand of golden blonde hair and the scrunch nose smiles melt me to my core.  The Father loves them more than this?  More than this overwhelming love that I feel?  What a wonderful reminder that the enormity of his love cannot be measured. 

Of course with these pains, there are unspeakable joys.  Moments that are hard to pinpoint.  Moments I never expected to matter to the magnitude that they do.  Tiny details that I never expected to mean so much to a mother.  One day that chubby toddler foot with little toes that grip for balance, turns into the foot of a pre-schooler- long and slender and running confidently ever further from my reach.  Moments like this are embedded in my brain.

There is a part of me that had barely stopped thinking about the school shootings in Connecticut every day and then a tornado in Oklahoma (we know my history here) wipes out two elementary schools.  I was devastated and frozen and clinging to stories of hope for rescues.  And like many others I watched helplessly as some kids didn't come out.  I envisioned the horror of running to the school and looking for your baby. I wept and wondered and was angry and upset.  And then, I had to turn it off.  I had to pray, but not dwell.  I made a decision to move on.  We are selfish and sinful and so these types of things will continue to happen.  No matter how much I look for a reason or what Biblical story I seek out for comfort, the outcome is the same.  We live in a fallen world.  Disasters happen and tragedy strikes and while that might seem like a no-brainer for most, it is something that has haunted me my whole life.

And while I desperately pray a tragedy does not hit close to home for me, I am aware that it could.  So I continue to cling to these girls and our reading time and snuggle time and art time.  I watch as they triumphantly work out a disagreement over that one special doll.  I count my many blessings and name them one by one- over and over.  I am not perfect at this, but I am getting better.  I think we are hesitant to proclaim when we have improved or conquered.  We don't want someone to think we are tooting our own horn and we don't want to be vulnerable enough to get knocked on our rear.  But, I will say it.  As I have seen horrible tragedies unfold during these months, I have gotten better at living in the moment.  Better at being present.  And it has inspired me to keep improving.  I'm still grossly human, but I'm loving the feeling of knowing my list of regrets keeps shrinking. 

Being a mom is everything and nothing that I expected.  What a complex and marvelous journey.

SDC

In the midst of life and schedules and mood swings, there will come a perfect day here or there to push you along.  And on a sunny Wednesday, we had ours.  Ross was off, the weather was beautiful, and there were NO lines.  We had a great day at SDC- one of the girls most favorite places.  And the monumental moment of this trip was that Elise decided she was brave enough to ride the frogs and the butterflies and the merry go round!  She has always had zero interest in the rides and has been content to sit with me, but it elated me that she found the joy of riding that her dad and sister have on this trip. 

To add to the fun, Amy Jo was chaperoning a field trip and snuck away to say hi for a few moments.  Elise LOVES Amy and wasn't satisfied with a hello and made Amy ride with her, lol.

When I ride the kid roller coaster, I scream the entire time.  Some fun screams and some scared screams.  I am not a thrill rider and that coaster is about the level of adventure I partake in.  This is when Amelia told me I was embarrassing her and that no moms or kids were screaming.

The day turned even more perfect when Elise took a nap in the stroller (never happens) and Amelia got to ride more rides and it allowed Elise to get some energy and be able to stay until closing! 

The real reason that I go to SDC will forever be to down a million glasses of frozen lemonade. 

Ross got to ride Outlaw Run and it was so fun to watch his giddyness.  He was almost jumping up and down because he got to ride in the front.  Wooden coaster?  No thanks.  Goes upside down?  Um never.  He loved it.

A fabulous break from the sometimes mundane!

Color Me Rad!!!!!!

Pouting over pastries, lol

Best crepe of my lifeee

After a fun and interesting breakfast, in which we were befriended by a strange guitarist, we were filled with adrenaline and ready to rock and roll.  We took tons of pictures and were seriously so pumped to get started.

My sweet husband brought Amelia in the rain for the end of the race because she so desperately wanted to run alongside of me for a bit.  She has declared she is definitely racing in this thing next year.

We went back to my house and showered and changed and then had an awesome lunch and shopped a bit.  I love making new friends and while some of those friends have truly made my life better, there is nothing like friends that you grew up with.  Friends that you don't have to tell stories about your past to because they already know.  Friends that literally and truly don't judge you-- you don't have to worry for a second.  Friendship that extinguishes any pretense.  Friendship that helps you conquer great things.  Friendship that picks up exactly where it left off.  My situation is unique in that my friends from high school have always loved my sister and I have always loved her best friend.  As we have gotten older, the friendship group has merged into one.  It is such a blessing to be able to take time away with these gals.  Does my heart good.  My favorite friendships. 

I am also very lucky because my husband and parents recognize the importance of these friendships and allow me the time away to continue to invest in them.  I hope we are coloring the world rad together for years to come.

Fay Town and the End of the Rocker

Amelia has been begging to spend the night with Aunt Jessalyn from the moment she left Ozark and a few weekends ago, it finally worked out for us to go and spend the night.  The girls were HIGHLY excited.  We stopped in Harrison to have lunch at The Mill, because, let's face it, we are just not a traveling family.  After one hour in the car we are ready to stretch our legs and eat.  Pathetic.  We had a nice lunch with Gammy and Gampy and then hit the road for the rest of our trip.  Just an hour and a half more--don't judge.

We met Jessalyn at Boingo Bounce and the girls had a blast.  All the pictures are blurry, but that kind of makes them even funnier.  The girls just wore themselves out and we (the big people) were able to do all the jumping we wanted with them.  Great time!

Then we went to Jessalyn's house to change and go swim at the Jones Center.  I had no idea that the girls would be big enough to do the slide because it seems HUGE to me.  However, they let them go down with an adult and it was the hit of the night for sure.  I was too scared and nervous to take my own kids down in my lap but everyone else did great with it, ha.

 

After swimming we went to eat some delish burgers, but we were really pushing it as far as time.  I was tired so I knew the girls had to be exhausted.  But, they were great while we ate and then when we got to Jessalyn's, IT happened.  Elise said she wanted to lay on her travel cot without me rocking her.  Just like that.  I think she was trying to impress Jessalyn and Brant, but whatever the reason, she didn't want me to rock her.  For the first time ever!!!  She laid down and with just a few extra pats and hugs, she went to sleep!  I was only a little sad, because she was ready. And, because I figured it was a random fluke. I'm more sad typing it now, though because she has been laying down on her own for over two weeks.

 We woke up the next morning and played with Barkley.  He was a big hit of the trip and despite his ginormous size in comparison to the girls, he was so gentle and sweet with them.  They were enamored with him and further confirmed my hunch that we will definitely be a dog family in the future.

 After a trip to the mall and some lunch, it was time to head out.  Poor little Bee always get so sad to leave people..